Homework

Homework has become quite an every night routine in our house. As a child I remember the nights that my mom sat with us to do homework. Usually all night. She did not have my dad to help, or at least he did not help consistently. I don't know how she did it.. There are nights that I am alone with the girls (like tonight) and there are afternoons that Alex is alone with the girls. But for the most part, both of us are at home every night helping with homework. It is a revelation to me how difficult it is at times for two people who have master's degrees to figure out what the homework is every night, translate the math book, review vocabulary, read books, etc. There are nights (like last night) that it takes us two hours to go through Milena and Mirellen's math homework. In our house it takes two, because Alex can do the Math, but I can translate the text. The problem is that when you translate you also have to have some understanding of what you are translating, otherwise it makes no sense to the person who is receiving the message. Also, there are differences in how English and Spanish is written. A couple of years ago I read this article that explained the differences between both languages. Most of the time when people are communicating in English in written form, the author wants to lead the speaker to discovery so he/she bases the message on what the audience does not know. Spanish is very direct and tells the audience what is there to know. Here is an example:

In a brochure in English you might see something like this: "Want to get involved? Call this number". In Spanish this would not work, because the audience assumes that this is a yes or no question and there is no further explanation for this. This would have to changed to "To get involved call this number". I would not say we are efficient at doing homework yet, but we are getting better.

This past weekend I visited my dad again. He has been in ICU for three weeks. If you are reading this blog I ask that you say a prayer for him. He is very delicate. Saturday I was there and there was a nurse that was awful to him. She was the least humane nurse I have every seen. She was a robot and seemed disgusted to work with my dad. We talked to the patient advocate, she would not even let us go back there to see him. The next day he swelled like a balloon and almost died because she had pumped so much liquid into him. I was lucky to not have been there to see that. I don't think I would have reacted positively and would have demanded a lawyer. My parents don't want a lawsuit but have plenty of things that have happened where they could sue.. It was awful. I could not sleep that night or the next day.

Thursday is Sucena's birthday. We are not celebrating until Saturday. We are doing something very simple. Have not had much time to do much about it. My work is crazy this year. I don't sleep enough and don't exercise anymore. People tell me to take care of myself. It's hard to do this when so many people depend on you. Thank God I got my mom's genes and hardly ever get sick.

We have not posted pictures in a while. We will take some of the birthday and post them.

Thanks for Reading.

Seconds

Today was the second day of school for Milena and Mirellen and the second week full week of school for the other two girls. Last Friday everyone seemed down about school. I think the realization of the difficulties that come with being in a different culture and Language were overwhelming. This morning there was still a lot of anxiety. But by the afternoon people were doing their homework and I was trying to translate three documents at the same time (My Spanish now is better than ever!, there are words I had not used in years.. can you say "cilindro graduado"... ) Anyway, I told the girls I pray our family will have patience every day, because this is what we need. Things will get better..

Yesterday was Milena's first soccer game and she scored a goal! Her team (Monona Grove) scored 9 goals and Oregon 0. She was proud of herself, her team and her sisters were very proud of her. We celebrated at Culvers (our favorite restaurant). Madison is a great place where you can live in Sun Prairie, play for Monona Grove and go to school in Middleton. We are covering all our bases... and then there is Culvers!

Well, after more than two hours of homework with four girls I'm exhausted. This is only the beginning.. I totally understand. I was never big on homework as a teacher, needless to say I'm even less as a parent. My idea of homework is to practice skills and prepare for the next day. To me this is really what homework should be about. My two cents.

I have a few soccer pictures I will post later. As always. Good Night.

School has begun for everyone (finally)

It's my turn to write something. I have wanted to write things but have been tired (without insomnia) by the end of the day and have not had a free moment during the day to write anything. I have been staying home with the girls (not in school) and then going to work. I have not been very productive at work because I am tired before I get there. With school starting, I finally can start predicting a little of how the next day might happen because I have time to think. August was a very difficult month for us because we had to trade off work times (Mercedes during the day and me at night/late afternoon) when we couldn't get a babysitter. Hanna, Otin, Ginny and Mom have been wonderful (not to mention a handful of babysitters). They allowed for a few day shifts for me so I could spend time with the girls and Mercedes. We are worn out now but things would have been worse if we didn't have their help. There were a few days where babysitters never came or were not able to come for the full time which threw our schedules for a loop.

As Mercedes has said things go forward and backward. There are days when people are cooperative and sweet and others when they're grumpy with attitudes. The bad thing about school that we are finding out is that good or bad activities that happen at school influence people's attitudes when they come home. Things could have been wonderful in the morning but not at night. Though I know we could have done more to prepare the girls for school, I think we did OK. I just hope school will be ready for them.

Tonight we had a long conversation about compassion. For some this was a new word. Not that they didn't have an idea of the concept, but they had not really had a serious discussion about it. It was another example of how we can't just assume the girls know things. Though I said things I often had to have things translated because these more advanced concepts require vocabulary and subtleties that I don't have in Spanish yet. Some who were in a bad mood didn't think that this compassion idea was very important. Mercedes has been reading passages from the bible to the girls periodically before they go to bed. This subject allowed for a teachable moment with a biblical passage, and it helped emphasize why compassion is important.

This week I helped organize some of the fall/winter clothes for the girls that people generously donated to us. Many were very nice (except the bunch with cat hair). Milena was sneezing when we were looking through them. I guess I won't be the only bad guy when it comes to choice of future pets (I am allergic to cats too). Though there were items the girls immediately wanted, there were others that they thought were too boyish or not quite the right style. The majority of the sweaters/fleece jackets and other cold weather clothing fell into this category. To say the least we are setting those things aside for when it gets really cold and they see that other girls around here wear those styles. I am sure they will change their mind. I am guessing warmth will triumph over style at some point. Plus we don't have the funds to buy them a wardrobe of cold weather things that suit their idea of fashion. It just won't happen.

Tonight at the dinner table (as usual) I felt left out because everyone was so excited to talk about what happened at school. Everyone is talking a mile a minute and Mercedes was having a hard time keeping up. These are the kinds of things that really frustrate me that I can't share what they are going through. I want to participate or give them ideas of what to do next time they have problems but I can't keep up. If there's a problem with someone I do not have the command of the language to explain things in subtle ways (like the difference between being rude or annoying or explaining that just because you do something as a joke, does not mean the other person will interpret it the same way). Many times I start a sentence but can not finish it. Mirellen and Milena are good at helping me finish sentences. The other two try but are not always helpful. I often feel that I am not being the Dad I want to be because I can't explain myself. I end up being a caricature because I can only say a limited amount. My Spanish is not pathetic but it's limited, and it's hard to teach complex ideas in a positive and nurturing way when I don't know the words to use. Most of all I can not listen to what the girls think are important in their lives. I have to wait for a translation or explanation later. I know there is more information than what they actually say (how and with what emphasis), not to mention being able to ask them questions so it shows them that I really am interested in what they know and experience. Right now that's very hard to do.

Our trip up north was greatly needed by me. I was hoping the time away/change of scenery would help everyone relax a bit. Most everyone enjoyed it but Mercedes, who felt guilty about being there and not with her Dad. If Mercedes doesn't have times away like this she will wear herself out (practically collapse from exhaustion or sickness). Though she felt guilty she needed the time away as much as I did.

Now that school has started I can start thinking about a second part-time job. Though a full time job would be ideal I am not sure it would be as flexible as we need my work to be. I hate only working part time but if I wasn't August would have been hyper expensive. When sicknesses or vacations come I need to be able to scale back on my work. Unfortunately I have let barbershop slide. I have kept up with my quartet but my participation in the chorus has suffered. I enjoy singing with the chorus but if I had to choose I would rather sing with my quartet.

Apologies

My apologies, for not having posted in the blog for so long... On the Tuesday after I posted for the last time, my father went into the hospital because of a gallbladder attack. As of then, he continues to be in the hospital with complications for this. On top of that, mold was discovered at my school and a decision was made to close doors the day before it was to open. I have had to spend long hours there at meetings with teachers, parents and the community. My school also lost an ESL teacher, and I have been working furiously to find a replacement so the girls will get a bit more help. I have not found anyone yet with certification to hire and I am now trying to find a substitute that would meet the qualifications. This is on top of the work that we continue to do with the girls in their transition with us. To add to this, it is getting colder now and we are slowly changing wardrobes so we are in the middle of many clothing containers, which the girls still have to go through to see what they will keep and we are redoing their closet. Are we stressed? The help my parents and my sister were giving us at the time my dad went into the hospital has stopped, so we have had to rely more on Alex's mom and sister. Needless to say Alex and I look a bit more ragged and tired lately. Without this help, I don't know what we would have done.

Alex wanted to get a quick get away to Crab Lake, and for me it became a bit more stressful to do this, given my above mentioned situations. I felt guilty that I did not go to my school to help out and I felt guilty that I did not see my dad. The girls did not understand that when it's cold at Crab Lake there is no swimming, even though I had explained that. On Sunday they went swimming for a bit. Sucena only stayed 10 minutes and the others a little bit more. They said they were not cold, I did not believe them. I was so grateful to Kim, owner of Alpine Lodge, who invited us on a walk on Monday (we were supposed to go on Sunday but we had a situation between the girls that needed to be solved). It was great for me because I had not exercised in weeks and talking to another adult, besides Alex, was great. The girls complained about the walk (about 2 miles) I told them to get used to it. We plan to do more in the fall.

This weekend is Milena's first soccer game on the same day as my dad's birthday. I'm not sure yet what I will do (probably drive to Milwaukee in the morning and go to the hospital until game time, besides visiting him on Saturday if I can figure out how to arrange this) about it.

My mom 'lives' in ICU at St. Joseph in Milwaukee. My two sisters and brother have been at the hospital taking turns being there. With all the crap going on around here, I have not been able to make it there since last weekend. It stinks!

On the positive side, Yesica and Sucena have started school at West Middleton and like it. Lucky for me, a friend of mine is ESL teacher there and she is doing wonders with them. The bad part is that since my request for having the girls at a closer school to mine was denied, the morning and afternoon drive is between 35 and 40 minutes. Needless to say I don't plan to be involved in the PTA. The school is great, I just wish I lived closer. Maica is also helping transport the girls in the morning, and this helps us too. I am dropping them off in Waunakee and then she takes them in so I can go to work. This is a HUGE help. Once the older girls start school this arrangement will give Alex a chance to get to work earlier and be available in the afternoon for coming home early or pick up. We hope with this arrangement he might be able to get a full time job so we can move to the other side of town. Sucena lost a tooth the day before classes started. She looks cute and talks funny. I have pictures I will have to post later.

Due to my high stress levels, I am not able to sleep much and this has its advantages, like updating the blog, doing extra work, reading.. The truth is that I love to do this blog and I am grateful to the people that still read it. It is a way for me to express the ups and downs of this time in our lives. I love when people post comments and give us ideas on things that are happening in their lives, or parenting advice. Please feel free to comment: Just follow "Post a comment" at the end of the entry, and I will see it.

Well... almost time to 'get up'. MM