Christmas Eve-Nochebuena

So tonight is Christmas Eve... Alex and I are going to bed now (last night we went to bed at around the same time). We spent the day cleaning the house, and getting ready for the 'Big Night'. Ginny, Kevin, Julia and Ana came to spend a couple of hours with us.  We shared Bunuelos y Natilla, two traditional dishes of Colombia during the Holidays.  Bunuelos are sort of like 'cheese donuts' made of 'Queso Fresco' which can be bought at Mexican stores. Natilla is Milk and Raw sugar. It's delicious.  The girls opened a few presents in the cousin exchange.  After the Brown Martins left, I tried to finish the Christmas Dinner and ran out of time, so all the food I had planned became very simple: Pork (Pernil), from our Colombian Recipe Book, Rice and Beans, no vegetables! and for desert a piece of chocolate from Hughes in Oshkosh.   Then it was off to Mass at Holy Redeemer (in Spanish) which I enjoyed very much, except that Sucena had to go to the bathroom right before communion, when I went down I saw over a 100 people in the back of the church, so I figured I had time to take her and come back, but none of those people took communion! When I came back the priest was sitting in his chair.  Communion was over.  I almost cried right there.  Almost 2 hours of mass and no communion.  I have learned my lesson, just get in the line because Latinos usually do not take communion.  How awful!

Anyway. I am tired and I think the girls will get up soon. We are 'trying' to follow Alex's tradition of opening Papa Noel's presents first (stockings) and Nino Dios after we get up. With luck I will get four hours of sleep. Then it's off to Milwaukee to see the family.

Feliz Navidad.. Merry Christmas.. Everyone! I am tired and have only added a picture I took of Sucena tonight in one of her dresses (given by abuela, gracias). I will add other pictures later..

MM

First Celebrations

This weekend marked the first celebration the girls had as a family with Alex's parents.  As usual I was not rushing with my camera to take pictures. It's not something I am not used to and so I have to make an effort to do that, so I will take pictures after the fact, with the things that they got as their gifts. (I should follow Sam's example who is never anywhere without a camera) We spent the weekend in Milwaukee. On Saturday the girls decorated the tree and got some presents from the Martins. These included, books, art supplies and a great big house with dolls.  Some of the gifts were individual but most were to be shared.  This has been a concept we have been trying to teach the girls for  a while, the concept of 'sharing'.  Since they have had little that are theirs, they tend to want to have things only for themselves, and would rather not necessarily share anything with a sister.  So I was glad to see that a couple of gifts as well as the books needed to be shared. This will give us an opportunity for teaching the girls how to do this.
Things have been hectic and the weather here has been awful, which does not help trying to get organized and do the necessary things before Christmas.  I have been doing my shopping after the girls go to sleep (Thanks for Holiday Hours).
I got to purchase chocolates and small gifts for the girls teachers.  This will be the first time they will ever take a gift to a teacher at school bought from a parent. I took the older two on Friday night and took the younger two yesterday to do this. I wanted the girls to create their presents and had some ideas, but never got around to doing this. I'm amazed at how there are moms out there who are creative and do these great things for school and for the teachers.  For us it has been an adjustment to keep up with homework, school presentations, things to bring to school etc. We are lucky we get a lot of help from the ESL teachers. We don't know what we would do without them.
Well, I have to get the girls up to get to school. I will keep up the blog throughout the Holidays. We are trying to get some traditions going into house, including some Colombian food, etc.  For a great blog about Colombian culture check out "Raising Colombian Kids".  There should be a link to this on our blog.

MM

Snow

So it's too bad that the video has never worked for us, so you only get to see an image of Mirellen with the snow shovel.  The girls had their first big snow a couple of weekends ago. It was a Saturday morning, and I heard screaming thinking that Sucena had hurt herself and then I went downstairs to realize that she was 'swimming' in the snow with Yesica.  The girls just went out to our porch to look play with it and later went to the back of the building.  We probably got about 4 inches on the first weekend in December and 13 inches on December 11th (last weekend). So the girls have seen plenty of snow, and for December it has been snowy and very cold. We have been having a heck of a time with our commute with very icy roads, and trying to take the 'driest' road possible, so we are safe.  This means the commute is even longer, especially in the afternoons.  The other day one of the girls asked me when Spring came... if they only knew the winter could last for a very long time...

Everyone always asks me "How is motherhood going", "How are the girls doing? ".  I always answer "it's going".. The girls are actually doing very well, in my opinion.  They get up in the morning and get ready for school every morning. The commute in the morning is not that bad, but by the afternoon they are tired, hungry and cranky.  Just like any kid.  For me, it has been quite an adjustment.  It's true no one tells you how to be a mother and for me the hardest part is the fact that there are many things that the girls don't know and they are asking me questions constantly.  At first they all wanted my attention at the same time, like they had not had this much attention from one person so they were craving it.   Some people say I am patient, but the truth is that I have my limits, and there are times I loose it.  It's  a little embarrassing to say because part of my day job is talking to kids, but the reality is that.  And of course there is always the  question in the back of my mind (was I too harsh? Is this something I should worry  about? What should I let go and what should I emphasize? etc... )  I know this are questions that every parent asks. The difference I find is that I have less time with the girls and feel under a little more pressure to teach many things. And when I mean teach, I don't mean academics, those will take care of themselves somehow.. but it is trying to look at the values that they come with and mold them the best we can so that the girls will have a happy and successful life. For Alex and I success is not measured by the paycheck, but by the level of caring for others and independence they will display.  I always joke that   School #2 starts after school.  Because it is in the car and at home where some very important lessons take place.  And what I mean by that is not just them learning, but also the learning that I am doing through them.  I am learning so much from them as well and this helps me at work, at school and at life.
The girls are definitely imperfect and have a lot to learn, but so do I. This,  I am not embarrassed to admit.

Long time

It's been a long time since I wrote on the blog.  Part of it has been because we have been busy with the girls, and the other part is because we have went through a tough couple of weeks with one or two of the girls,  and I just felt like I could not sit down and talk 'fluff' over blogger. Sorry.  I know there are people out there that wonder if we had decided not to write the blog anymore.
The good news is that I think this had a reason for happening.  I think that we are finally seeing the girls personalities coming through a little more.  I know the attachment will take time, but I guess like the saying says "it's always darkest before dawn" (one of my favorite sayings), it now feels more like "dawn" in our house.  And we are very glad for that. This past weekend was the true test of whether or not people could get along while inside most of the weekend (we had quite the snowstorm).  We were pleasantly surprised. The girls enjoyed playing in the snow and making hills to go sledding in. I took them to a little hill around here, but they have not gone to a big one yet.  We still have to take them to the "memorial high school hill" here in Madison or the Lake one in Milwaukee. I get the feeling we will have the chance soon.
So to those who follow our blog, I apologize.  I promise I will write more now.  I will also put pictures about Thanksgiving and what the girls have been up to lately.
There is still a lot to get ready for Christmas.  We can't wait to have a family Christmas morning. Something we had dreamed about.
One little story about Sucena. We decided to get a Christmas tree (the first real tree we have gotten since we have been married).  We went to the parking lot of Copps, a grocery store.  I park and a guy approaches, I look at him and before I said a word Sucena turns to him and says "Hola", he says "Hola" back.  Then she turns to me and said, "I knew he spoke Spanish".   He was great gave us a little bit a of a deal I gave him a small tip and he gave the girls Candy Canes.   She says she can tell when people speak Spanish. Some day she will be disappointed.
MM

Changes in Weather

Well, the weather has finally gotten colder, it is November in Wisconsin of course, although you would not know it recently. The girls are still getting used to wearing coats and heavier clothes.  They are particular about coats and feel they look fat with them.  This is natural, I went through the same thing on my first winter here in WI.  The younger two, are better at dressing up for winter, but they still think they can wear short sleeve under their coats and be warm. It's hard to explain these things to them.  It hasn't even been cold enough for long underwear and I would have to buy some anyway.  And we have not had to worry about getting boots yet, because there are no signs of snow to come.  I think they are starting to think that it does not snow here.

Our life continues to be consumed by school. We are in between sports and activities. Some begin end of January so the in between lull can be difficult. The girls love to watch movies and we don't mind this except we want them to do other things like play, draw etc.  Milena likes to do crafts, and this is a plus on how to spend the time inside.  We spent a chunk of Sunday doing homework and chores right after church.  Church in English is difficult and the girls get restless if I forget their religious books (which I forgot yesterday).  As a child it I had homework on weekends on a rare occasion.  Here we get homework almost every weekend, and because they girls need translation (and also are not used to doing homework independently), we spend our time trying to divide each other to help them.  This weekend Sucena spent most of it doing homework since she decided not to bring any home this week and we found it all stuffed in her desk at school.  This was a tough week for her.  We continue to work with the girls every day in the transition of being at La Casita and with us.  Being in a family is very different than in an environment where you mostly had to look out for your own individual interest.

This weekend is Thanksgiving.  We had a small celebration with Ginny last Sunday. This Thursday we are going to my parents house.  The Martins are not in town, and most likely we will not stay overnight in Milwaukee. I am grateful that my dad will be home by Thanksgiving. He is going home from the hospital this week. It is truly a miracle that he is home.  His rehabilitation will take  a long time, but we are very happy he will be home.

The distance continues to be a challenge and we are very grateful for the weather so far.  Sometimes I spend 50 dollars a week for gas. It has consumed our budget.  We are hoping this spring we will be able to sell our place. Please pray for us and keep us in your thoughts.

Halloween

All four girls in Costume

I am finally posting our Halloween pictures.  We had Halloween in Milwaukee so I could go visit my dad.
He was still at St. Joseph Hospital at the time.  The girls had two Trick or Treats.  One was with their cousins, Veronica, Angelina and Vini.  The other was by Abuela Martin's house.  There were many changes in costumes, except for Sucena who knew what she wanted to be from the beginning: a fairy.
The girls had a great time, although we did not 'Trick or Treat' until we dropped, and they only got a pumpkin full (which was enough for us).  The pictures below speak louder than words.

We are finding out why this is called a 'process'.  We continue to work with the girls to create a family for all.  There are times when we feel we are there, then something happens and we know we have sometime to go before full integration will happen.  We are cognizant of this and we ask for your thoughts and prayers.  We know this will take time, a lot of patience and help from above.  Enjoy the pictures.

Milena as a pretty 'Madhatter'

Trick or Treating in Butler, WI

Sucena as a fairy

Yesica as a witch

Mirellen as a baseball player
(Thanks Veronica)

Milena

I feel like once in a while I'd like to write specifically on one of the children, not just on their birthday, but throughout the year so as to feature them.  I wrote about Sucena when it was her birthday. But I will like to write about Edis Milena, our oldest girl.

Milena is an amazing young woman.  She is artistic, meticulous and quite an artist.  She is very self conscious about others, although this is partly because of her age.  She spends a chunk of the weekend sleeping, or eating, or doing crafts or studying. She enjoys soccer (she was in a team this fall).  She is an amazing student very aware of what her homework is and is diligent about doing it.  This makes her competitive, which can be good in some ways and in others bad. She has extremely high expectations of herself and is very disappointed when she does not achieve to the level she would like to achieve.  She often argues with her second sister, Mirellen.  They are both extremely wonderful girls but very different.
She has dreams of being a lawyer and helping others.  She often has ideas of what she thinks life will be and has dreams of her future life, nothing wrong with that.
The other day someone was surprised to find out we had adopted a 13 year old.  Most people think this is too old of a child to adopt. Often these children go on to other institutions, like what was going to happen to Milena if we would have not stepped in.  This person asked "Does your 13 year old still talk to you?".

Yes I said proudly.  She has her crabby days where she just sleeps and eats and does not want to be bothered, but she talks to us every day, and soccer has provided a great opportunity for her to develop a better relationship with Alex. We are blessed to have an 'older child' like this in our house. I have learned a lot from Milena about being strong and resilient, yet keeping an open heart no matter what the circumstances bring.  Just like her sister, she is a gift to us.  There is a lot in store for Milena and we are looking forward to discovering what that will be.

Update

Just a quick update. Milena got Shin Splints this week and was not able to finish her soccer season healthy. She needs to learn how to stretch better, but has been in pain lately so she has been given the OK to take it easy for a week during gym class.  We are still trying to figure out how to best transport the girls to their schools.  The distance from school  for the younger two is stressing me out and I do not feel involved in their education there.

I never thought that they would not attend the school I requested.   Alex and I have been talking about whether or not we will have to make difficult decisions this year.  This is just a trial period in terms of the school and living situation.  We will see how things go in the spring, and see what options we have.

The girls are healthy as we approach colder weather. All sports are over for now, we are in between sports and still looking for dance classes for Yesica and Sucena.   Money is tight and need to get resourceful.
We are still recovering from our expenses in Colombia, and we have a few extra expenses now.

Anyway, we are still doing homework every night and are still overwhelmed by it.

Milena and Mirellen went to see my dad on Saturday at the hospital. He is doing better and might be out of ICU soon.  This Sunday is Trick or Treat so I should have pictures.  I will post those next week.

Fall

Well fall is here (although by the temperatures lately it still feels like late summer) and for the girls this is a new experience, since they have never since leaves fall from a tree. I was hoping for a bit more color on the trees, but the colors were dull compared to years past. Nevertheless the girls are fascinated by the falling of the leaves and how it feels like to jump on top of a pile. They are also looking forward to Halloween. They are already planning what they will wear. We might go to Milwaukee for Trick or Treating, since my dad is still in ICU. He is doing a bit better, but this fact has been very stressful for me. This week after a friend told me that I needed to relax, I followed her advice and basically decided to stop worrying about my dad. I decided I needed to stop worrying about him and concentrating on what needed to be done around our house, the girls etc. and just see him once during the weekend. The process of just giving up this worry has done wonders for me and for the girls. I am less stressed about it and I think that brings less stress to the household.

Here are some pictures of the girls enjoying fall. I promised pictures this time and like they say, pictures speak louder than words.

New routines

I am finding that parenting is very similar to teaching. You try new ideas and then you think them over, then try new ones.

We have been trying to work out a nightime routine and have tried several things. Things got so bad at one point that on Sunday I took a chair into the bedroom and said it was to supervise as they were getting ready for bed. I had tried putting a timer (Sucena messed with it), I tried helping them with their clothes, but that seemed to extend the time for getting to bed. I tried leaving them alone (did not work), I tried directing everyone and that was too tiring. Sucena was crying every night, no matter how little the conflict was. I concluded that I needed to be in their room at bedtime. I think Sucena needed the comfort of my presence in the room.

Now my new routine is to send the two youngest upstairs first,then the two older ones about 20 minutes after. I give them 5 minute shower limit. I do not help them get their clothes unless they are not able to find something. at I give them a 5 minute warning on when prayers and reading will start. I then start praying and reading. People then start settling if they have not done so in order to listen to me read. So far I am reading small books that my sister gave me so they can read at church. They are wonderful books about angels and Our Lady of Guadalupe and other saints. The girls love stories and these are written for kids, except the vocabulary is still very high, which is great. So far we have read two of them and I am afraid I will run out sometime soon. I hope to get them into the habit of reading before bed. I love the time reading to them, as I see them to sleep. We had tried this routine before but the stories were two long and the girls just seemed to want us in the room for too long. They still do not fall asleep while I'm reading, but I only read enough for about 10-15 minutes. This is enough to calm them down.

Today Mirellen ran in her one and only Cross Country meet she was allowed as a 6th grader at Kromrey. We are very proud of her. I will add the one picture I have later. She got a participant ribbon. The funny thing was that she said that she could pass a friend but did not want to . She wanted to run with her friend. One of the Mexican guys in the team yelled at her to pass her but she kept waiting for her. Later in her own words she said" Better to lose a race than to lose a friend"... very true... but funny.

Tiredness

Well something funny happened today. One of my colleagues said to me that ever since I got the girls I seemed tired. Well... I think it would be an understatement to say that I am tired. Everything in my life now is intense: my job, my family, etc. My dad is still in the hospital and that has added another level of stress to this transition process. As I mentioned before, we spend every night doing homework. One weekend day is swimming lessons and clean up, and another day I visit my dad in the hospital in Milwaukee.

Tonight I could not take Sucena to a dance class I wanted for her because of homework, it just seems there is not time for anything. On top of that, we are struggling with school materials being all in English and with teachers that still do not know how to work with level 1 students, and how to prepare activities that would be of value to non-English speakers. As an ESL teacher for over 22 years I cringe at what I see at times sent home as homework. Also, the fact that textbooks adopted do not have any sort of materials in Spanish is extremely frustrating. If I would charge the Math book company for all the translation I've done since the girls started school, I would have a lot of money in my pocket. So.. Alex and I are frustrated and of course, this leads to tiredness as well.

The thing is that I don't mind working hard. As a matter fact I have always been a sort of workholic, and having the girls adds to my burden, but just above the level that I am used to. It's just that the stresses are different. I still count with my fingers the nights (or days) when there have not been conflicts or tears. I hope this will change as well. I think this would ease my stress level and my level of tiredness as well.

In terms of my job, I don't even want to mention it. It truly is an impossible job for one person. I do what I can during the day, but the truth is, not that much gets done anymore. I cannot take any work home, since homework takes a priority in our house now.

So, yes I'm tired and we are both still trying to figure out routines and responsibilities. This will take some time. Once in a while I need to put things into perspective, and the fact that the girls have only lived 5 months with us.

Well, I'm tired now and need to go to sleep. Buenas noches.

Mary Sucena

Oh.. it's been a long time since I post anything... Ginny reminded me today and I have been meaning to do this. Yes I've had insomnia but, have been staying in bed to try to get some rest. This morning I finally got up early went for a walk and had coffee at the local coffee shop. It was my little getaway. I might have to do this every Saturday.

On the 23rd of September, we had a very small celebration for Sucena who turned 8 that day. I bought Chinese food and I gave her a couple of Winnie the Pooh movies. Both on manners, love responsibility etc. I thought this would be nice for her to have. She had had a tough week, regarding her behavior toward others in the house. She knew her birthday was coming up and school was becoming more challenging.

Last week, she had also received some gifts the Sunday before from Sis, and Ginny and family. We thought of celebrating that week, but things got too hectic and it was crazy trying to organize something so today I got cake and ice cream, invited the cousins (Julia and Ana) for that and for breaking up a pinata. The girls were in rare form. They were talking a mile a minute, singing, howling (we took them to the movies for the first time last night and they went to see "Alpha and Omega" about two wolves so I think that was still fresh in their minds). We knew the pinata was going to be crazy so we set some rules. Let the candies drop and then take 5 pieces on my count. They protested and we simply said that if they did not follow the rules we would take it away. Alex started to remove it and then they changed their minds. It took a long time to break the pinata (30 minutes or so) hacking it three times each. Finally it broke and the girls got the candy. They were still happy they got that much. They said that was a lot for them. Wait until Halloween. They won't believe their eyes...

We went to the PAC pool after that. We had gotten there late because of the pinata so the girls went to bed a lot later than usual. Overall I think Sucena was happy with her day. We had had pouting and tears in the afternoon from different people. I tend to forget how emotional these events can get for them, especially since they have not had a lot of these experiences in their lives. The level of emotion and anxiety that a day like this can bring for kids is something we adults tend to forget. I was glad I only invited family. It is the first family birthday party. It was just enough for them to handle. More than this and I think it would have been a bit much. Next year we might be ready for friends.

Well.. what can we say about Mary Sucena. When we went to La Casita they described all the girls one by one. First, they said : Milena is proper, manners are important to her. Following the rules is her what defines her. Mirellen is challenging a risk taker, she is not afraid of much.

Yesica is love and sweetness... and Sucena (and I still remember these words) 'es la locura'...

Sucena is full of life, and embraces life fully. A new experience for Sucena is the most amazing thing to experience, because she enjoys it so.. She has a loud laugh and a very loud cry as well.

She gasps when someone has wronged her very loudly but she makes the same noise when she sees something new that amazes her. Today I said someone had put up a sign saying they had lost a black cat and she gasped and said "I saw that cat yesterday, let's call the police". There are many funny stories about her. On the way home from the club Mirellen was playing a love song that said "i have fallen in your inferno". She asked "what does it mean" to shrug her off Mirellen said, 'its just a love song'.. she kept asking 'but what does it mean?, does it mean the woman is crazy'. I could not help but laugh out loud. Sucena is a great swimmer and at the pool she was turning in the deep pool, just like a synchronized swimmer. So in a way , Sucena is defined by craziness... but more the craziness of enjoying every life experience to the fullest.

She brings us joy beyond measure and a new perspective that makes us look at life in a totally different way. Happy Birthday Mary Sucena!

Homework

Homework has become quite an every night routine in our house. As a child I remember the nights that my mom sat with us to do homework. Usually all night. She did not have my dad to help, or at least he did not help consistently. I don't know how she did it.. There are nights that I am alone with the girls (like tonight) and there are afternoons that Alex is alone with the girls. But for the most part, both of us are at home every night helping with homework. It is a revelation to me how difficult it is at times for two people who have master's degrees to figure out what the homework is every night, translate the math book, review vocabulary, read books, etc. There are nights (like last night) that it takes us two hours to go through Milena and Mirellen's math homework. In our house it takes two, because Alex can do the Math, but I can translate the text. The problem is that when you translate you also have to have some understanding of what you are translating, otherwise it makes no sense to the person who is receiving the message. Also, there are differences in how English and Spanish is written. A couple of years ago I read this article that explained the differences between both languages. Most of the time when people are communicating in English in written form, the author wants to lead the speaker to discovery so he/she bases the message on what the audience does not know. Spanish is very direct and tells the audience what is there to know. Here is an example:

In a brochure in English you might see something like this: "Want to get involved? Call this number". In Spanish this would not work, because the audience assumes that this is a yes or no question and there is no further explanation for this. This would have to changed to "To get involved call this number". I would not say we are efficient at doing homework yet, but we are getting better.

This past weekend I visited my dad again. He has been in ICU for three weeks. If you are reading this blog I ask that you say a prayer for him. He is very delicate. Saturday I was there and there was a nurse that was awful to him. She was the least humane nurse I have every seen. She was a robot and seemed disgusted to work with my dad. We talked to the patient advocate, she would not even let us go back there to see him. The next day he swelled like a balloon and almost died because she had pumped so much liquid into him. I was lucky to not have been there to see that. I don't think I would have reacted positively and would have demanded a lawyer. My parents don't want a lawsuit but have plenty of things that have happened where they could sue.. It was awful. I could not sleep that night or the next day.

Thursday is Sucena's birthday. We are not celebrating until Saturday. We are doing something very simple. Have not had much time to do much about it. My work is crazy this year. I don't sleep enough and don't exercise anymore. People tell me to take care of myself. It's hard to do this when so many people depend on you. Thank God I got my mom's genes and hardly ever get sick.

We have not posted pictures in a while. We will take some of the birthday and post them.

Thanks for Reading.

Seconds

Today was the second day of school for Milena and Mirellen and the second week full week of school for the other two girls. Last Friday everyone seemed down about school. I think the realization of the difficulties that come with being in a different culture and Language were overwhelming. This morning there was still a lot of anxiety. But by the afternoon people were doing their homework and I was trying to translate three documents at the same time (My Spanish now is better than ever!, there are words I had not used in years.. can you say "cilindro graduado"... ) Anyway, I told the girls I pray our family will have patience every day, because this is what we need. Things will get better..

Yesterday was Milena's first soccer game and she scored a goal! Her team (Monona Grove) scored 9 goals and Oregon 0. She was proud of herself, her team and her sisters were very proud of her. We celebrated at Culvers (our favorite restaurant). Madison is a great place where you can live in Sun Prairie, play for Monona Grove and go to school in Middleton. We are covering all our bases... and then there is Culvers!

Well, after more than two hours of homework with four girls I'm exhausted. This is only the beginning.. I totally understand. I was never big on homework as a teacher, needless to say I'm even less as a parent. My idea of homework is to practice skills and prepare for the next day. To me this is really what homework should be about. My two cents.

I have a few soccer pictures I will post later. As always. Good Night.

School has begun for everyone (finally)

It's my turn to write something. I have wanted to write things but have been tired (without insomnia) by the end of the day and have not had a free moment during the day to write anything. I have been staying home with the girls (not in school) and then going to work. I have not been very productive at work because I am tired before I get there. With school starting, I finally can start predicting a little of how the next day might happen because I have time to think. August was a very difficult month for us because we had to trade off work times (Mercedes during the day and me at night/late afternoon) when we couldn't get a babysitter. Hanna, Otin, Ginny and Mom have been wonderful (not to mention a handful of babysitters). They allowed for a few day shifts for me so I could spend time with the girls and Mercedes. We are worn out now but things would have been worse if we didn't have their help. There were a few days where babysitters never came or were not able to come for the full time which threw our schedules for a loop.

As Mercedes has said things go forward and backward. There are days when people are cooperative and sweet and others when they're grumpy with attitudes. The bad thing about school that we are finding out is that good or bad activities that happen at school influence people's attitudes when they come home. Things could have been wonderful in the morning but not at night. Though I know we could have done more to prepare the girls for school, I think we did OK. I just hope school will be ready for them.

Tonight we had a long conversation about compassion. For some this was a new word. Not that they didn't have an idea of the concept, but they had not really had a serious discussion about it. It was another example of how we can't just assume the girls know things. Though I said things I often had to have things translated because these more advanced concepts require vocabulary and subtleties that I don't have in Spanish yet. Some who were in a bad mood didn't think that this compassion idea was very important. Mercedes has been reading passages from the bible to the girls periodically before they go to bed. This subject allowed for a teachable moment with a biblical passage, and it helped emphasize why compassion is important.

This week I helped organize some of the fall/winter clothes for the girls that people generously donated to us. Many were very nice (except the bunch with cat hair). Milena was sneezing when we were looking through them. I guess I won't be the only bad guy when it comes to choice of future pets (I am allergic to cats too). Though there were items the girls immediately wanted, there were others that they thought were too boyish or not quite the right style. The majority of the sweaters/fleece jackets and other cold weather clothing fell into this category. To say the least we are setting those things aside for when it gets really cold and they see that other girls around here wear those styles. I am sure they will change their mind. I am guessing warmth will triumph over style at some point. Plus we don't have the funds to buy them a wardrobe of cold weather things that suit their idea of fashion. It just won't happen.

Tonight at the dinner table (as usual) I felt left out because everyone was so excited to talk about what happened at school. Everyone is talking a mile a minute and Mercedes was having a hard time keeping up. These are the kinds of things that really frustrate me that I can't share what they are going through. I want to participate or give them ideas of what to do next time they have problems but I can't keep up. If there's a problem with someone I do not have the command of the language to explain things in subtle ways (like the difference between being rude or annoying or explaining that just because you do something as a joke, does not mean the other person will interpret it the same way). Many times I start a sentence but can not finish it. Mirellen and Milena are good at helping me finish sentences. The other two try but are not always helpful. I often feel that I am not being the Dad I want to be because I can't explain myself. I end up being a caricature because I can only say a limited amount. My Spanish is not pathetic but it's limited, and it's hard to teach complex ideas in a positive and nurturing way when I don't know the words to use. Most of all I can not listen to what the girls think are important in their lives. I have to wait for a translation or explanation later. I know there is more information than what they actually say (how and with what emphasis), not to mention being able to ask them questions so it shows them that I really am interested in what they know and experience. Right now that's very hard to do.

Our trip up north was greatly needed by me. I was hoping the time away/change of scenery would help everyone relax a bit. Most everyone enjoyed it but Mercedes, who felt guilty about being there and not with her Dad. If Mercedes doesn't have times away like this she will wear herself out (practically collapse from exhaustion or sickness). Though she felt guilty she needed the time away as much as I did.

Now that school has started I can start thinking about a second part-time job. Though a full time job would be ideal I am not sure it would be as flexible as we need my work to be. I hate only working part time but if I wasn't August would have been hyper expensive. When sicknesses or vacations come I need to be able to scale back on my work. Unfortunately I have let barbershop slide. I have kept up with my quartet but my participation in the chorus has suffered. I enjoy singing with the chorus but if I had to choose I would rather sing with my quartet.

Apologies

My apologies, for not having posted in the blog for so long... On the Tuesday after I posted for the last time, my father went into the hospital because of a gallbladder attack. As of then, he continues to be in the hospital with complications for this. On top of that, mold was discovered at my school and a decision was made to close doors the day before it was to open. I have had to spend long hours there at meetings with teachers, parents and the community. My school also lost an ESL teacher, and I have been working furiously to find a replacement so the girls will get a bit more help. I have not found anyone yet with certification to hire and I am now trying to find a substitute that would meet the qualifications. This is on top of the work that we continue to do with the girls in their transition with us. To add to this, it is getting colder now and we are slowly changing wardrobes so we are in the middle of many clothing containers, which the girls still have to go through to see what they will keep and we are redoing their closet. Are we stressed? The help my parents and my sister were giving us at the time my dad went into the hospital has stopped, so we have had to rely more on Alex's mom and sister. Needless to say Alex and I look a bit more ragged and tired lately. Without this help, I don't know what we would have done.

Alex wanted to get a quick get away to Crab Lake, and for me it became a bit more stressful to do this, given my above mentioned situations. I felt guilty that I did not go to my school to help out and I felt guilty that I did not see my dad. The girls did not understand that when it's cold at Crab Lake there is no swimming, even though I had explained that. On Sunday they went swimming for a bit. Sucena only stayed 10 minutes and the others a little bit more. They said they were not cold, I did not believe them. I was so grateful to Kim, owner of Alpine Lodge, who invited us on a walk on Monday (we were supposed to go on Sunday but we had a situation between the girls that needed to be solved). It was great for me because I had not exercised in weeks and talking to another adult, besides Alex, was great. The girls complained about the walk (about 2 miles) I told them to get used to it. We plan to do more in the fall.

This weekend is Milena's first soccer game on the same day as my dad's birthday. I'm not sure yet what I will do (probably drive to Milwaukee in the morning and go to the hospital until game time, besides visiting him on Saturday if I can figure out how to arrange this) about it.

My mom 'lives' in ICU at St. Joseph in Milwaukee. My two sisters and brother have been at the hospital taking turns being there. With all the crap going on around here, I have not been able to make it there since last weekend. It stinks!

On the positive side, Yesica and Sucena have started school at West Middleton and like it. Lucky for me, a friend of mine is ESL teacher there and she is doing wonders with them. The bad part is that since my request for having the girls at a closer school to mine was denied, the morning and afternoon drive is between 35 and 40 minutes. Needless to say I don't plan to be involved in the PTA. The school is great, I just wish I lived closer. Maica is also helping transport the girls in the morning, and this helps us too. I am dropping them off in Waunakee and then she takes them in so I can go to work. This is a HUGE help. Once the older girls start school this arrangement will give Alex a chance to get to work earlier and be available in the afternoon for coming home early or pick up. We hope with this arrangement he might be able to get a full time job so we can move to the other side of town. Sucena lost a tooth the day before classes started. She looks cute and talks funny. I have pictures I will have to post later.

Due to my high stress levels, I am not able to sleep much and this has its advantages, like updating the blog, doing extra work, reading.. The truth is that I love to do this blog and I am grateful to the people that still read it. It is a way for me to express the ups and downs of this time in our lives. I love when people post comments and give us ideas on things that are happening in their lives, or parenting advice. Please feel free to comment: Just follow "Post a comment" at the end of the entry, and I will see it.

Well... almost time to 'get up'. MM

Pa'lante Pa'tras (Forward and Backwards)

Last weekend we were home and decided to change some things regarding how the girls would be assigned chores around the house. We had noticed things were getting messy, people had stopped willing to help us around the house. Furthermore, the fact that I have been so busy makes it difficult to keep up with our point system and the consistency of it, so I think we needed to regroup and look for something simpler. We also needed to send a message that we in a large family all need to help around the house. Before I left for work on Sunday (yes, I worked for two hours on Sunday, could not help it as there is much to be done before school starts), I made it clear to the girls that they needed to help papi around the house. Some people listened others did not. When I came back I found out that the younger two had been busy bees cleaning the house, putting clothes away etc. The older two however had not done anything and when I got home one of them was watching TV. I had already spoken to Alex about what was about to happen and how we would reward the people who had contributed as we had mentioned many times and before I left for work. So.. the older two had to go to soccer with Milena and I took the younger two to the Sun Prairie Corn Festival as a reward for listening to mami and helping around the house. The reward was small, since we were not there for a long time and it is a relatively small festival. Needless to say there were tears, and two young people were angry. But all in all it sent the message clearly and the girls have now a new board where their chores are posted as well as extra stars for extra work. Yesica won a fish at the festival who she has called Pepe. I had never seen someone so excited over a goldfish.

I've heard someone say that the hardest part of parenting is saying 'no'. For us, that is the case as well, but more than that is always adjusting to what is next and constantly teaching, advising and disciplining. Alex and I constantly talk about who did what, what needs to be changed and adjusted, who we need to talk to about etc. Most days I feel like a drill sergeant, and yet there are some days (very few) that I can relax, and things go smoothly.

Today my sister Otin came to babysit while we worked (again, thanks for family!). I called to see how things were going and it seemed like things were going well. I had asked her to stay after I got home so we could talk about the day and a few other things. One of the things I wanted to talk about was the role of the 'father' of the family. This is something that has come up recently, since gone are the days were Alex played with them all day, we now have to adjust the definition of what a father does in our family and the importance of his involvement in their activities. I think it was great for the girls to hear from their cousins how their father is involved in their lives. This is what I wanted and I know that the girls will see other examples when they go to school and see other fathers. I need to remind myself that this is the first time that all the girls have been together with a mother and father for a very long time (For the youngest it is the first time), and that we need to teach them the roles and responsibilities of all the family members. I think these are important lessons, but also exhausting for them emotionally, because in the last couple of days we have been seen and heard behavior we had not seen or heard for a long time.

I read in another blog (or maybe it was a book, I'm reading three at time-including 'Surviving Adolescents') that in adoption things go forward and backwards. This is SO true, and it has been our experience.

There is also the fact that the girls are getting ready for school, they have purchased their school supplies, letters are coming home with teachers names, schedules etc. They are very nervous about this, knowing that most everything will be in English. They have also heard about the homework, and the fact that we will be sitting with them every night not just doing homework, but 'studying' with us to get prepared for the next day. For some it is easier to express their nervousness, while others just seemed confused and scared. I have assured the girls things will be fine, and that they will get a lot of help at school.

As for us, we are relieved school will start and we will be in a routine that will probably be beneficial for us. I am not looking forward to getting up early, especially on days like today where I have insomnia and want to go to sleep between 6:00 and 8:00 (my favorite time to sleep). The girls will go to sleep earlier, so that will be good for us as well.

We are glad our girls came in May and we've had this summer to bond and establish some routines and expectations... we know however that we will continue to go 'forward and backwards' ... at least for a while. --MM

Teenage Blues

Well, we are beginning to enter the "Teenage Zone" in our house. To complicate things, I have been very busy and feel I am neglecting my teenager a little bit. It's funny to think that we have a teenager because there are times when it does not seem that way, but on days like today, we definitely notice. The other difficulty is the lack of privacy when as a teenager you have to share your space with your other sisters. However, this is not an excuse and we make that clear. This is the situation we are in now and the space is plenty. I think that once school starts, things will get better because things will get busy and the girls will start making friends their own age, who we hope share their own interests.

Many people comment on how 'we hit the road running'.. (I'm not sure if that's how you say it).

On days like today, it sure feels like it.

Registration Day

Today Milena and Mirellen went to registration Day at School. I was very busy, so I could not help Alex much. Needless to say they are nervous about the first day. I think they are nervous whether or not they will find their classes on time. I can't imagine that they will sleep well from now on just thinking about it. My brother Juan has been staying with us this week, which has been great. We can juggle things a little easier with an extra person especially on weeks like this when we have to be in a million places at one time and I have to work so much.

Tonight I went to a presentation we give new parents every year at school. I realized while I was there that all three of us administrators in the building have children at school. It felt good being part of that and I think it made our parents aware of the fact that we all think this is a great school. It gives us more credibility with our parents.We were not able to put Yesica and Sucena in a school close to me due to enrollment.

This is too bad, but we are blessed that our friend Maica will be there.

This last weekend we were lucky enough to get a visit from our cousins Laisa, Maggie, Jorge and our Aunt Titi Gloria. We have not seen Titi Gloria in a five years, since Laisa's wedding. It's always great to see family. We are happy to announce Laisa is moving to Chicago so we will see more of her. We took a picture to celebrate the visit. It was great for papi to see his sister.

I won't write anymore but I've added some pictures to old entries. I'm exhausted after working over 10 hours and coming home in between to cook and see the girls. I need to get some sleep at some point.

School starts soon

Today the girls got dropped off at school at around 2 so Alex could go to work. I am trying to get as much done in my office before school starts. My job is very boring at this time of the year, but necessary. Mostly I am there to fix mistakes, call parents, prepare for the coming year. It's hard for me to explain to the girls exactly what I do. It would be hard to explain to anyone. They came and picked tomatoes from the KMS garden ( I will have to take pictures of it) which they loved. Sucena kept asking me if they were ripe or not. They ate a bunch of tomatoes and watched a movie in the ESL room while I finished some work. It is nice to have such a nice school to work at where people are not bothered by this. As people are coming in, they are getting to know them. Milena and Mirellen are very nervous about school starting, mostly because of their English, which is coming along just fine. Today Milena asked me "Is it normal to listen to English and think that people are speaking in Spanish because you are understanding what they are saying?" Yes.. I said it is normal. Second Language Acquisition, what a beautiful thing!

Another stay in Milwaukee

This last week we spent catching up on some house work andotherschool work after coming back from Milwaukee. August is such an awful month for me just because I have to work so much. Alex and I have been spending this month trying to figure out how to work out the details of this. The fact that it takes me 30 minutes to go back and forth is taxing enough, that added to the fact that I have so many things going on at work and at some point Alex has to work too. We are also talking about how we are going to take the girls to school, since it is so far away. We have been going back and forth whether or not to push requesting that our youngest two attend a school closer to my school (not that the other one is that far). On the other hand we have a very good friend at that school that we totally trust in terms of the expectations that we have of the girls and school work, so we are happy about that. For the oldest two school will be only 25-30 minutes away. For the younger two 35-40 minutes away. None of the condos around here have sold in the last two years, so we are bracing ourselves for a long wait and a lot of $$ in gas.

On Friday we went to Milwaukee to take our first family picture. We wanted to print announcements with our pictures but could not find an appropriate template for our family (we continue to run into this and wonder if some day we should have our own business). So instead we just printed our Christmas cards. We figured that even though the girls will change from here to Christmas this picture is very important because it is our first 'official' picture. My sister Millie and her kids were still here so we spent some more time with them at my mom's house. It was pretty chaotic there with 13 grandchildren between the ages of 20 and 5. But the kids seem to enjoy it. It's funny how kids somehow communicate without a common language.

This is something that as an ESL teacher I witnessed many times and continues to amaze me. Somehow we as adults are not capable of doing this but kids have figured this out.

We went to Milwaukee on Sunday so the girls got to stay again for two days so that Alex could put most of his working hours in a couple of days. We could not survive this month without our families. My sister and mom took the girls to State Fair today and I heard they had a great time. ( I had meetings all day). Sounds like the girls got to taste cream puffs, corn, cheese etc..

We talked to the girls over the phone and Sucena said she saw a 'really big horse'. Tomorrow the girls are going to go to the Milwaukee Art Museum with Alex's mom. We are so grateful to family and friends for providing these important experiences for them during this time.

These are invaluable, but most of all the time spent with the girls is most important.

The girls continue to make the transition with us, and just like with any other kids there are many things we continue to emphasize and teach. Being teachers I must say has been extremely helpful, because there are so many lessons that we have taught since day 1. I understand why they say now that the parents are the first and most important teachers. But we are also grateful for family and the lessons they are providing as well. We are looking forward to many more lessons ahead. We ask for patience (just like any other kids) and understanding, because even though we feel that have made great strides, there are still many things they have to learn especially around the theme of what a family is..our expectations.. etc. We are grateful to our families for having taught us so many things that we are passing on to the girls. The things is, just like anything, things take time.

The support of family and friends makes it so much easier for us. We thank you.

First Overnight

This week marked the girls first overnight at our sister's house. The main reason for having this overnight was the fact that Alex and I both have to work quite a bit this month, and after the expenses of the adoption we cannot afford a whole month of child care. Furthermore, I don't know that even if we could afford it we could find anyone that could do a whole month of four older girls. The girls had a blast. This was also marked by the fact that my sister Millie is visiting from Colorado and the girls got to meet 6 more family cousins. It's hard for them to keep up with all the names relationships etc. We took them on Sunday night and I picked them up on Tuesday afternoon at my sister Millie's in-laws. When I got there I don't even think they knew whose house that was. I kept talking about the owners of the house and they said " who are the owners of this house?" There were cousins on both sides of the family there and they played quite a few games with them even though they did not know who they were or their names ( or could speak back to them).

We are also trying to encourage the girls this month to sign up for fall activities. I am realizing that it is difficult for the girls to make decisions when they have never been given the opportunities to do so. So we are trying hard to encourage (strongly sometimes) but at the same time making sure they know it's their decision. This can be quite disappointing at times when the outcome is not what you thought it was going to be. Like the person we thought would never do sports is doing them and the person that said they loved sports choosing not to. I guess our job is to keep trying and to find alternatives to the alternatives. We are also a little worried about the girls academic skills especially in Math and hope that this month will help us do a little catch up before school starts. It's funny but people keep telling me not to worry about it, and that only takes on the opposite effect.

This week the girls also took a picture with my parents at a studio. We will be taking more family pictures this week. Maybe I can finally send those adoption announcements.

I wonder if anyone still reads my blog since I never have any more comments. Anybody out there?

I promise to put some pictures in when I have the time. Soon it will be time for work. Have a good day.

An Important Day

Today was the day that I took the girls got to meet my best friend in the world Lisa Karau (Michels). Lisa and I go WAY BACK. We were trying to figure out how long ago we met, and we figured we have known each other about 26 years. This is longer than any other friend and that would count the best friends I had in high school who I have lost touch with. I had prepared the girls to meet her and had told them a few things. The girls liked her immediately. They met Lisa's dogs and we had lunch at Applebee's. Lisa got the girls a huge bag full of gifts and gave them about 7 boxes of clothes she had collected. The girls were overwhelmed by all the gifts and very grateful.
They also got to ride in Lisa's convertible. Lisa and I tried to catch up at the restaurant talking about everything as we often do. I told the girls that Lisa's grandpa use to marvel at how much we could talk to each other. "Do you ever shut up" he used to say. No. Lisa and I can talk for hours no matter what the subject, situation or anything. Talking to Lisa never gets old.

I was glad that the girls got to meet her since she has been and continuous to be such an important person in my life. She said the girls were sweet. Then it was time to go home. I was hoping they would go to sleep on the way back but did not. I sorted all the clothes with the younger two while the oldest two went to soccer with Alex. This was fun for them since they got so many clothes.

Another week has come and gone. We are looking forward to meeting the Kneusel-Rivera cousins on Sunday. Summer is slipping away....

Dia de Independencia and Soccer

We have had quite an exciting week in the Martin Rivera household. We spent last Saturday at the Colombian Independence celebration here in Madison. We went last year but we have to say that this year was wonderful. There was food, music, dance raffles and contests. There was a kid's flag contest in which the kids drew the flag and explained what the colors of the flag meant and Sucena won the contest! Our girls also got to hold the flags of Colombia and Wisconsin. We went dressed up in our Colombian gear. Our teenager did not wear the shirt I bought in Pueblito Paisa, but she proudly wore her Colombia-US bracelet. The girls had a great time and did not want to leave because they thought that I would win something. I was mostly interested in the 50 dollar dinner than in a bike, I must say.

Also, this week is Yesica and Sucena's last week of the ESL program. They have really enjoyed it and I think are sad to see it come to an end. August will be a challenging month for me, as things will get busier for me and we must find child care. We are trying to get a combination of family members and others so that it does not become a financial burden. August is the hardest month because I need to work many hours and there are not a lot of activities going on anymore.

Finally, we are so proud to announce that our two oldest girls are doing a soccer camp and doing very well. Milena did not want to play soccer at the beginning but then she saw a bunch of girls doing it, and decided to join. She still hopes to join a dance class in fall. Mirellen, our sporty spice, is doing very well . She is loving it. For me it was quite an experience to buy the gear, socks, cleats, shorts etc. I did not go all the way with anything expensive since I don't know how committed they are yet, and I did it all on the afternoon before the workshop.

The girls were dressed at 4 o'clock and I was nervous about the fact they do not speak English. But there they were with all the other kids and just followed along with everyone else. I was proud of the girls. It helped that the girls were there with their cousins Julia and Anna. I think this is what convinced them of doing it.

I took a karate class with all the girls last Saturday at the Club. The class was free. I would say Mirellen enjoyed it more than the rest. Then Yesica and Sucena took their first swimming lesson. I felt bad they had to be there with 5 year olds and was hoping they would not notice.

It's only 30 minutes for 3 more weeks. Then to level 2.

Well that's all in our household. Hope the summer days last a long time. --MM

First Wedding

I have been meaning to post things lately, but just haven't had the time to do it. Last Saturday the girls got to see a wedding for the first time in their lives. Thanks to our friends Darlene Grady and Matt Wilkinson for getting married at a perfect time for the girls to get to see their first wedding and for us to get our 'first date out'. There were many people at a wedding which took place in a small church in Cottage Grove. I sat with Yesica and Sucena and they wanted to see everything up close. Unfortunately, as it is with getting four girls ready to go out, we got there at the nick of time and did not get a good seat. I took Yesica to the back of the church while everyone was sitting down she could see the exchange of the rings and lifted Sucena to see some parts too. She was mostly disappointed that she did not get to see the kiss. So at the end of the ceremony as friends were saying hello and before the couple started taking pictures I asked them to kiss in front of Sucena so she could see them. She was quite happy about that. ( I will add pictures later, I promise). We took the girls home gave them something to eat and then our babysitter Iris Leske came at around 5:30. I was going to make rice and beans, but I did not have beans so I made lentils, which the girls loved (except Sucena of course). We left to go to the reception and we had an OK time. We were hoping to get some dancing in, but the music was just not appropriate for that. However it was nice to reconnect with old friends from Sun Prairie area. Many have now children and so the outings become few and far in between compared to when they did not have kids. Plus I (Mercedes) do not work in the schools anymore so we don't get invited to as many outings as we used to. It was still nice to get a night out. It felt a little strange in the car and on the way back too. The girls were great with Iris who was very impressed. They were in bed by the time we got back at 10:30. What more could you ask for! We hope the next time she babysits will be as nice.

The week has come and gone. Yesica and Sucena continue to attend the summer program at Sauk Trail. They had a couple of adventures including going to Old World Wisconsin today even though it was raining. They have made a new friend who we hope will come to the Middleton pool with us on Sunday. I think it is important they make friends. Living so far away from Middleton makes it even harder. However, we have taken our house off the market for now and don't know when we will put it back again. The market in Sun Prairie is awful we had no offers and very little interest in almost 9 months that it was for sale. So.. we are putting some things back in the house, such as family pictures, that we had taken out, to make it homier for the girls. It won't have as much appeal but we want our house to look more like home for them. We appreciate any prayers regarding our home situation. We are making due with our space (also thanks to our storage unit), but it can get a little cramped at times, and winter will be coming sooner than we might expect. We take the girls out a lot, to the park, to the pool etc. We have been having a fun time around here. There are many things that still need to be done, and we are looking forward to that as long as it does not continue to rain.

--MM

Ups and Downs

Yesica and Sucena started their ESL program this week. They have responded in a very positive way to the program, which is great. They talk about it constantly and this puts the other two girls in a bad mood since their program has ended and they don't get to see friends anymore. Today they went to Devil's Lake and had a great time. We had a visit from our social worker who asked us some questions and seemed positive about our transition. I know people give us a lot of compliments about how much we have accomplished, and of course we would have to say that the girls have done a lot of work from their part as well. But there are a lot of tough days and issues that we continue to struggle with. Most of the things I write about in the blog are very positive, but the truth is that most days continue to be up and down. I know in the past I was criticized for my negative tone on my blog entries, but I think it is necessary sometimes for people who are reading this to know that there are days that are difficult, and I think this is what any other parent would say. Even though the girls are adjusting nicely there are grumpy sad days, where the girls make comments about going back, missing the food, friends, La Casita etc. Today I asked Mirellen what she wanted for lunch and she gave me a long list of Colombian foods, including one that I had never heard before. Sometimes it is just a sad look, of just a quiet time or a wild time in which they seem to revert back to a time when they were toddlers or just much younger and I feel like a stranger looking in (this happened today at the pool). I have had to work lately and I am beginning to feel more of the pressure of getting some work done at the office or at home. People are surprised I am back at work almost every day for a few hours. I don't know what I would do if I would wait until late August to work. Yikes! Going to Crab Lake was just wonderful and I have been taking the girls to the pool and diving in myself to practice with them what the teacher has been teaching them. It's nice to at least get a little bit of exercise in, although I need a lot more.

I have been reading a lot about adoption lately especially some wonderful blogs that are out there with other parents who have adopted Colombian kids. I am reading a wonderful book called: Raising Adopted Children by Louis Melina. This book has helped me to understand many things.

Yesterday we went to a party and I met a teacher I had known for a number of years there to find out she adopted a girl from India at 13. It was nice to talk to her but at the same time face the reality of how much work we have to do with the older girls to help them catch up academically. She said " Wow, what an exciting adventure for all of you". I looked at the girls and thought to myself "This is exactly right". MM