Pa'lante Pa'tras (Forward and Backwards)

Last weekend we were home and decided to change some things regarding how the girls would be assigned chores around the house. We had noticed things were getting messy, people had stopped willing to help us around the house. Furthermore, the fact that I have been so busy makes it difficult to keep up with our point system and the consistency of it, so I think we needed to regroup and look for something simpler. We also needed to send a message that we in a large family all need to help around the house. Before I left for work on Sunday (yes, I worked for two hours on Sunday, could not help it as there is much to be done before school starts), I made it clear to the girls that they needed to help papi around the house. Some people listened others did not. When I came back I found out that the younger two had been busy bees cleaning the house, putting clothes away etc. The older two however had not done anything and when I got home one of them was watching TV. I had already spoken to Alex about what was about to happen and how we would reward the people who had contributed as we had mentioned many times and before I left for work. So.. the older two had to go to soccer with Milena and I took the younger two to the Sun Prairie Corn Festival as a reward for listening to mami and helping around the house. The reward was small, since we were not there for a long time and it is a relatively small festival. Needless to say there were tears, and two young people were angry. But all in all it sent the message clearly and the girls have now a new board where their chores are posted as well as extra stars for extra work. Yesica won a fish at the festival who she has called Pepe. I had never seen someone so excited over a goldfish.

I've heard someone say that the hardest part of parenting is saying 'no'. For us, that is the case as well, but more than that is always adjusting to what is next and constantly teaching, advising and disciplining. Alex and I constantly talk about who did what, what needs to be changed and adjusted, who we need to talk to about etc. Most days I feel like a drill sergeant, and yet there are some days (very few) that I can relax, and things go smoothly.

Today my sister Otin came to babysit while we worked (again, thanks for family!). I called to see how things were going and it seemed like things were going well. I had asked her to stay after I got home so we could talk about the day and a few other things. One of the things I wanted to talk about was the role of the 'father' of the family. This is something that has come up recently, since gone are the days were Alex played with them all day, we now have to adjust the definition of what a father does in our family and the importance of his involvement in their activities. I think it was great for the girls to hear from their cousins how their father is involved in their lives. This is what I wanted and I know that the girls will see other examples when they go to school and see other fathers. I need to remind myself that this is the first time that all the girls have been together with a mother and father for a very long time (For the youngest it is the first time), and that we need to teach them the roles and responsibilities of all the family members. I think these are important lessons, but also exhausting for them emotionally, because in the last couple of days we have been seen and heard behavior we had not seen or heard for a long time.

I read in another blog (or maybe it was a book, I'm reading three at time-including 'Surviving Adolescents') that in adoption things go forward and backwards. This is SO true, and it has been our experience.

There is also the fact that the girls are getting ready for school, they have purchased their school supplies, letters are coming home with teachers names, schedules etc. They are very nervous about this, knowing that most everything will be in English. They have also heard about the homework, and the fact that we will be sitting with them every night not just doing homework, but 'studying' with us to get prepared for the next day. For some it is easier to express their nervousness, while others just seemed confused and scared. I have assured the girls things will be fine, and that they will get a lot of help at school.

As for us, we are relieved school will start and we will be in a routine that will probably be beneficial for us. I am not looking forward to getting up early, especially on days like today where I have insomnia and want to go to sleep between 6:00 and 8:00 (my favorite time to sleep). The girls will go to sleep earlier, so that will be good for us as well.

We are glad our girls came in May and we've had this summer to bond and establish some routines and expectations... we know however that we will continue to go 'forward and backwards' ... at least for a while. --MM

Teenage Blues

Well, we are beginning to enter the "Teenage Zone" in our house. To complicate things, I have been very busy and feel I am neglecting my teenager a little bit. It's funny to think that we have a teenager because there are times when it does not seem that way, but on days like today, we definitely notice. The other difficulty is the lack of privacy when as a teenager you have to share your space with your other sisters. However, this is not an excuse and we make that clear. This is the situation we are in now and the space is plenty. I think that once school starts, things will get better because things will get busy and the girls will start making friends their own age, who we hope share their own interests.

Many people comment on how 'we hit the road running'.. (I'm not sure if that's how you say it).

On days like today, it sure feels like it.

Registration Day

Today Milena and Mirellen went to registration Day at School. I was very busy, so I could not help Alex much. Needless to say they are nervous about the first day. I think they are nervous whether or not they will find their classes on time. I can't imagine that they will sleep well from now on just thinking about it. My brother Juan has been staying with us this week, which has been great. We can juggle things a little easier with an extra person especially on weeks like this when we have to be in a million places at one time and I have to work so much.

Tonight I went to a presentation we give new parents every year at school. I realized while I was there that all three of us administrators in the building have children at school. It felt good being part of that and I think it made our parents aware of the fact that we all think this is a great school. It gives us more credibility with our parents.We were not able to put Yesica and Sucena in a school close to me due to enrollment.

This is too bad, but we are blessed that our friend Maica will be there.

This last weekend we were lucky enough to get a visit from our cousins Laisa, Maggie, Jorge and our Aunt Titi Gloria. We have not seen Titi Gloria in a five years, since Laisa's wedding. It's always great to see family. We are happy to announce Laisa is moving to Chicago so we will see more of her. We took a picture to celebrate the visit. It was great for papi to see his sister.

I won't write anymore but I've added some pictures to old entries. I'm exhausted after working over 10 hours and coming home in between to cook and see the girls. I need to get some sleep at some point.

School starts soon

Today the girls got dropped off at school at around 2 so Alex could go to work. I am trying to get as much done in my office before school starts. My job is very boring at this time of the year, but necessary. Mostly I am there to fix mistakes, call parents, prepare for the coming year. It's hard for me to explain to the girls exactly what I do. It would be hard to explain to anyone. They came and picked tomatoes from the KMS garden ( I will have to take pictures of it) which they loved. Sucena kept asking me if they were ripe or not. They ate a bunch of tomatoes and watched a movie in the ESL room while I finished some work. It is nice to have such a nice school to work at where people are not bothered by this. As people are coming in, they are getting to know them. Milena and Mirellen are very nervous about school starting, mostly because of their English, which is coming along just fine. Today Milena asked me "Is it normal to listen to English and think that people are speaking in Spanish because you are understanding what they are saying?" Yes.. I said it is normal. Second Language Acquisition, what a beautiful thing!

Another stay in Milwaukee

This last week we spent catching up on some house work andotherschool work after coming back from Milwaukee. August is such an awful month for me just because I have to work so much. Alex and I have been spending this month trying to figure out how to work out the details of this. The fact that it takes me 30 minutes to go back and forth is taxing enough, that added to the fact that I have so many things going on at work and at some point Alex has to work too. We are also talking about how we are going to take the girls to school, since it is so far away. We have been going back and forth whether or not to push requesting that our youngest two attend a school closer to my school (not that the other one is that far). On the other hand we have a very good friend at that school that we totally trust in terms of the expectations that we have of the girls and school work, so we are happy about that. For the oldest two school will be only 25-30 minutes away. For the younger two 35-40 minutes away. None of the condos around here have sold in the last two years, so we are bracing ourselves for a long wait and a lot of $$ in gas.

On Friday we went to Milwaukee to take our first family picture. We wanted to print announcements with our pictures but could not find an appropriate template for our family (we continue to run into this and wonder if some day we should have our own business). So instead we just printed our Christmas cards. We figured that even though the girls will change from here to Christmas this picture is very important because it is our first 'official' picture. My sister Millie and her kids were still here so we spent some more time with them at my mom's house. It was pretty chaotic there with 13 grandchildren between the ages of 20 and 5. But the kids seem to enjoy it. It's funny how kids somehow communicate without a common language.

This is something that as an ESL teacher I witnessed many times and continues to amaze me. Somehow we as adults are not capable of doing this but kids have figured this out.

We went to Milwaukee on Sunday so the girls got to stay again for two days so that Alex could put most of his working hours in a couple of days. We could not survive this month without our families. My sister and mom took the girls to State Fair today and I heard they had a great time. ( I had meetings all day). Sounds like the girls got to taste cream puffs, corn, cheese etc..

We talked to the girls over the phone and Sucena said she saw a 'really big horse'. Tomorrow the girls are going to go to the Milwaukee Art Museum with Alex's mom. We are so grateful to family and friends for providing these important experiences for them during this time.

These are invaluable, but most of all the time spent with the girls is most important.

The girls continue to make the transition with us, and just like with any other kids there are many things we continue to emphasize and teach. Being teachers I must say has been extremely helpful, because there are so many lessons that we have taught since day 1. I understand why they say now that the parents are the first and most important teachers. But we are also grateful for family and the lessons they are providing as well. We are looking forward to many more lessons ahead. We ask for patience (just like any other kids) and understanding, because even though we feel that have made great strides, there are still many things they have to learn especially around the theme of what a family is..our expectations.. etc. We are grateful to our families for having taught us so many things that we are passing on to the girls. The things is, just like anything, things take time.

The support of family and friends makes it so much easier for us. We thank you.

First Overnight

This week marked the girls first overnight at our sister's house. The main reason for having this overnight was the fact that Alex and I both have to work quite a bit this month, and after the expenses of the adoption we cannot afford a whole month of child care. Furthermore, I don't know that even if we could afford it we could find anyone that could do a whole month of four older girls. The girls had a blast. This was also marked by the fact that my sister Millie is visiting from Colorado and the girls got to meet 6 more family cousins. It's hard for them to keep up with all the names relationships etc. We took them on Sunday night and I picked them up on Tuesday afternoon at my sister Millie's in-laws. When I got there I don't even think they knew whose house that was. I kept talking about the owners of the house and they said " who are the owners of this house?" There were cousins on both sides of the family there and they played quite a few games with them even though they did not know who they were or their names ( or could speak back to them).

We are also trying to encourage the girls this month to sign up for fall activities. I am realizing that it is difficult for the girls to make decisions when they have never been given the opportunities to do so. So we are trying hard to encourage (strongly sometimes) but at the same time making sure they know it's their decision. This can be quite disappointing at times when the outcome is not what you thought it was going to be. Like the person we thought would never do sports is doing them and the person that said they loved sports choosing not to. I guess our job is to keep trying and to find alternatives to the alternatives. We are also a little worried about the girls academic skills especially in Math and hope that this month will help us do a little catch up before school starts. It's funny but people keep telling me not to worry about it, and that only takes on the opposite effect.

This week the girls also took a picture with my parents at a studio. We will be taking more family pictures this week. Maybe I can finally send those adoption announcements.

I wonder if anyone still reads my blog since I never have any more comments. Anybody out there?

I promise to put some pictures in when I have the time. Soon it will be time for work. Have a good day.