Pa'lante Pa'tras (Forward and Backwards)

Last weekend we were home and decided to change some things regarding how the girls would be assigned chores around the house. We had noticed things were getting messy, people had stopped willing to help us around the house. Furthermore, the fact that I have been so busy makes it difficult to keep up with our point system and the consistency of it, so I think we needed to regroup and look for something simpler. We also needed to send a message that we in a large family all need to help around the house. Before I left for work on Sunday (yes, I worked for two hours on Sunday, could not help it as there is much to be done before school starts), I made it clear to the girls that they needed to help papi around the house. Some people listened others did not. When I came back I found out that the younger two had been busy bees cleaning the house, putting clothes away etc. The older two however had not done anything and when I got home one of them was watching TV. I had already spoken to Alex about what was about to happen and how we would reward the people who had contributed as we had mentioned many times and before I left for work. So.. the older two had to go to soccer with Milena and I took the younger two to the Sun Prairie Corn Festival as a reward for listening to mami and helping around the house. The reward was small, since we were not there for a long time and it is a relatively small festival. Needless to say there were tears, and two young people were angry. But all in all it sent the message clearly and the girls have now a new board where their chores are posted as well as extra stars for extra work. Yesica won a fish at the festival who she has called Pepe. I had never seen someone so excited over a goldfish.

I've heard someone say that the hardest part of parenting is saying 'no'. For us, that is the case as well, but more than that is always adjusting to what is next and constantly teaching, advising and disciplining. Alex and I constantly talk about who did what, what needs to be changed and adjusted, who we need to talk to about etc. Most days I feel like a drill sergeant, and yet there are some days (very few) that I can relax, and things go smoothly.

Today my sister Otin came to babysit while we worked (again, thanks for family!). I called to see how things were going and it seemed like things were going well. I had asked her to stay after I got home so we could talk about the day and a few other things. One of the things I wanted to talk about was the role of the 'father' of the family. This is something that has come up recently, since gone are the days were Alex played with them all day, we now have to adjust the definition of what a father does in our family and the importance of his involvement in their activities. I think it was great for the girls to hear from their cousins how their father is involved in their lives. This is what I wanted and I know that the girls will see other examples when they go to school and see other fathers. I need to remind myself that this is the first time that all the girls have been together with a mother and father for a very long time (For the youngest it is the first time), and that we need to teach them the roles and responsibilities of all the family members. I think these are important lessons, but also exhausting for them emotionally, because in the last couple of days we have been seen and heard behavior we had not seen or heard for a long time.

I read in another blog (or maybe it was a book, I'm reading three at time-including 'Surviving Adolescents') that in adoption things go forward and backwards. This is SO true, and it has been our experience.

There is also the fact that the girls are getting ready for school, they have purchased their school supplies, letters are coming home with teachers names, schedules etc. They are very nervous about this, knowing that most everything will be in English. They have also heard about the homework, and the fact that we will be sitting with them every night not just doing homework, but 'studying' with us to get prepared for the next day. For some it is easier to express their nervousness, while others just seemed confused and scared. I have assured the girls things will be fine, and that they will get a lot of help at school.

As for us, we are relieved school will start and we will be in a routine that will probably be beneficial for us. I am not looking forward to getting up early, especially on days like today where I have insomnia and want to go to sleep between 6:00 and 8:00 (my favorite time to sleep). The girls will go to sleep earlier, so that will be good for us as well.

We are glad our girls came in May and we've had this summer to bond and establish some routines and expectations... we know however that we will continue to go 'forward and backwards' ... at least for a while. --MM