Maybe I used this title before, and if I did, I apologize. I was once asked "do you love your girls? " and I said "Yes". Then the person asked, "How does that work? You love your biological kids because you see them growing in your womb, and you love them a bit more day by day". This was a toughie for me and so at that point I did not know what else to say. But then I started thinking about it, so how does this work?
I remember the first day the girls came to live with us. It felt like Christmas, four treasures that were actually our 'daughters', something we never thought we would have. That first day was beautiful, we noticed the girls were very hungry and ate a lot. The next morning, Yesica and Sucena got up at 4 am, perfectly doing what we had told them to do. Then reality set in the next couple of days which included, sibling rivalries, arguments, hitting, crying, non-compliance etc. We had been prepared for this moment, or so we thought. The reality for us was that the girls were of strong character, which was a good thing, but also we saw how difficult things were going to be. Within those difficult moments and in getting to know the girls, we see glimpses of personalities coming out, humor, caring and dare I say 'love'. This is the good. We love our girls, even if sometimes I feel they are "kicking my butt", and I am exhausted emotionally. The bad is having to be the "meanie". You would think at work I am used to being that way, but these children that come to my office don't come home with me, they go home to their parents. I never thought, that it would be so difficult, that I would lay down at night thinking whether I was being reasonable or not. I never thought that a child would go to bed so angry at me that they would not say good night, or that they would not kiss you good bye at school because you had just forced them to wear a winter jacket. This is the bad. The girls are still learning what having parents feels like. They don't like being admonished, reprimanded. We also are learning what the best way it is to talk to each one of them, four different personalities that listen and learn differently. So we have tantrums, and crying and hurtful things have been said to me to the point I have cried.
This is the ugly (yes, I have had the 'ugly cry'). Children will say mean things without thinking about it, and for those parents who are used to that "God Bless You". I never said a mean thing to my parents and so I never thought it would happen to me. Oh Well. I have learned to ignore anything that comes out of anger.
So do I love my girls. Yes I do. Have you ever taken a warm bath? How does it feel? Your body warms slowly as you enter the tub. It is a similar feeling when you adopt, you know you will feel love, but it comes slowly until you feel it all over.
Love this post.
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